Category Archives: Uncategorized

New Year’s Eve: A Good Swift Kick in the Year End

It’s the last day of 2025, and I’ll say it again–Worst. Year. Ever. At least for me.

That’s not to say that nothing good happened in my life this year: I’ve figured out how best to tell the story within my current novel; I’ve planned some of a novel series I want to write; I’ve added some new interests and goals to those already-rather-lengthy lists; I’ve reconnected with my family (though I still think the physical distance between me and them is a good thing)…actually, that’s about it.

On a lower note, I haven’t planned my finances very well, so I’ve obliterated my savings just to survive–and I’ve still had to hit a member of my family up for money so I can pay my rent for next month. I hope I can land paying employment next month, but my hopes are, right now, by no means high.

Looking at the situation, though, employment/finances are my only problem right now, though that does influence other aspects of my life, which are otherwise positive.

Admittedly, there are some things I could have done differently during the course of this year–though there is no way of knowing whether doing so would see me in a different, never mind better, place at this moment remains to be seen.

But I’m determined to do much, much better in 2026…come what may.

The Great Frustration/Biting Bullets

I don’t know how to begin this post, but I have no doubt the majority of people reading it will, to one degree or another, relate to it.

Since I got laid off last November, I’ve been navigating the job market, both solo and with the help of a government job-search agency; despite my best efforts and having an employment counsellor, it’s almost the end of the year and I still haven’t managed to find work; the situation is so bad I had to ask my mother for money so I could cover my rent for next month. I got lucky there; I don’t know how lucky I’ll be next month if I don’t find any paying employment by the end thereof. In any case, the experience of having to ask anyone for money is humiliating–my self-respect is six feet under right now.

I was on Employment Insurance, but that ended in July; the message I received from that agency had a tone of finality to it, making me feel like I couldn’t renew my claim. So, since the end of July, I’ve had to make two withdrawals from my Registered Retirement Saving Plan (RRSP) just to, you know, keep living. I can count on both of my hands the number of job interviews I’ve had, and those interviewers/employers who didn’t ghost me told me they had decided to go with another candidate. It’s difficult not to get discouraged under those circumstances. In fact, while I was out today to get some food, I felt suicidal, and I almost cried; the only thing(s) stopping me from taking my own life are my plans for next year–which involve livestreaming myself writing yet another draft of my current novel (mostly to prove that I’m the one writing it, and not using artificial intelligence–thus revealing my game plan), drawing more often than I do, resuming crocheting and knitting, getting back to cooking and baking…and landing a survival job, even if it’s part-time. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg.

But yeah, as dictated by capitalism, I spent the last couple of weeks feeling like complete crap–even though the world’s wealthiest people (among the most prevalent examples I can think of right now: Galen Weston, Elon Musk, Peter Thiel, and every big-name tech bro) are sitting on billions of dollars and not giving a damn about those of us on the bottom of the socioeconomic ladder struggling just to survive, thus they should be the ones feeling like complete crap.

Meanwhile, I have to figure out my financial situation going forward, especially if I don’t get paid employment.

That said, I will try to have myself a Merry little Christmas–and for those of you in the same, or a similar, boat, you do the same…but, if you feel you can’t, I, for one, will understand.

Verdict: 2025–Worst year ever.

Remembrance Day

It’s that time again–a time for ruling classes all over the white-dominated West to pay lip service to honouring the soldiers and veterans who have fought in wars perpetrated for their interests and glorify those wars. But it turns out–when you consider the conflicts the white-dominated West continues to get involved in and all of the shit going down in our own backyards–even after the determined promise after World War One of ‘Never again,’ humans as a species–especially those in society’s upper echelons–have learned absolutely nothing.

Let’s take stock:

Here in Canada, Indigenous rights still aren’t being respected, despite all of the talk about reconciliation and the fact that Canada has a Truth and Reconciliation Commission; Conservative Party leader Pierre Poilievre has made his own ‘criticisms’ (which are actually attacks) on the idea of diversity, equity, and inclusion (DEI) while crowing about the need for people to get ahead on their own merits (another post for another time); and Vancouver’s current mayor, Ken Sim, still believes that he can do whatever he wants and ignore any criticism or attempts to hold him accountable that come his way. Meanwhile, Alberta’s current premier, Danielle Smith, seems to be making a mess of that province, starting with the education system, and how the Government of Alberta is treating its teachers and students. None of these aforementioned points may have anything to do with Remembrance Day, but they’re actually starting points for so many problems that led to World War One in the first place–people feeling disenfranchised and powerless to determined their own destinies, thus leaving them vulnerable to any propaganda that, in the short term, makes them feel better.

In the United States, Donald Trump has won a second term as President, and he and his White House cadre are hell-bent on bringing to the U.S. the ‘divine right of kings,’ with Trump as absolute ruler…and U.S. citizens at all socioeconomic levels are either enabling or protesting him and the other thugs currently occupying the White House. Speaking of thugs, the verbalized purpose of the existence of the Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE) is to curtail illegal immigration, but ICE agents have been indiscriminately rounding up anyone and everyone–regardless of citizenship and immigration status–who don’t even appear to be WASP–and commit other heinous acts. Bigotry–against race, religion, sexual orientation, gender identification, ability, etc.–is allowed to run rampant, and women are facing rollbacks against the rights they’ve gained within the last century. I know I’ve said this before, but the next President of the United States–provided the individual cares enough–is going to have one hell of a mess to clean up once they’re sworn into office.

Now we go onto the international stage–and I’ll start with the Israeli government vs. Palestine. The Israeli government, under Benjamin Netanyahu, is still determined to wipe what’s left of Palestine off the map–and the ruling classes of all Western nations insist on enabling them to do so. Greta Thunberg recently participated in a flotilla to bring aid to Gaza, and the Israeli government put her through hell for it; at the end of her ordeal, she stated there is a genocide happening in Gaza. For the last decade or so, Europe has seen a resurgence of racism–chiefly Islamophobia–and, in recent years, Russian President Vladimir Putin has started a conflict with Ukraine in an attempt to bring that nation under his control, while being a dictator to people in Russia. And I have a feeling I’m barely scratching the surface.

And yet, on this day, we’re all encouraged to pause and remember the sacrifices veterans have made, and soldiers make, for the ruling classes by fighting wars the ruling classes have started for their own profit, power, and prestige–while the rest of the year those same ruling classes treat soldiers, current, retired, and dead, like expendable pieces of meat. Stating the painfully obvious here, but the ruling classes will always do what’s in their own best interests–and paying lip service to honouring the veterans and soldiers who fight in wars that further those interests makes them look good…even while the world burns.

In Memoriam: George Kooymans

I found out this week that Golden Earring co-founder/guitarist/vocalist/composer George Kooymans died last week after battling ALS (or Lou Gehrig’s disease) for the last four years, so I’m tardy to the memorial, but now I feel compelled to say something about this turn of events–even if it’s in a stream-of-consciousness kind of way.

Like so many on the American side of the Atlantic, I’ve (close to) always been familiar with Golden Earring’s songs ‘Radar Love’ (Moontan, 1973) and ‘Twilight Zone’ (Cut, 1982), but, after hearing more of their oeuvre (I have their self-titled album–in its entirety–and a lot of their other songs on my iPod; in fact, Golden Earring songs take up a considerable amount of space thereon), I’ve come to appreciate their talent and how far it goes–even more so after seeing videos online of their performances. I’ll be honest: when watching those videos, I’ve paid extremely close attention to Kooymans’ guitar work, which was…the only word I can think of to describe it is phenomenal; I would like to add that Kooymans’ falsetto from early in his career would have blown Jordan Knight out of the water. I’m not a musician, and haven’t had any formal training in music, so I don’t know all of the mechanics, ins and outs, odds and ends, bits and bobs, etc., but the way the members of Golden Earring worked together…the sounds they produced individually blended so well, and what I’ve heard of their music…it just works, and I like the way most of their songs sound. They have become quite the cultural phenomenon in Europe–particularly in their native Netherlands–but I can just imagine what would have happened if they had gotten more of a foothold on this side of the Atlantic, but they do have what can only be described as a cult following in Anglo-America, so…

I’ve read some thinkpieces online this week which have talked about Kooymans’ life and career; the Google search link to one of them called Kooymans ‘the brain and the soul (translated from Dutch, ‘het brein en de ziel’) of Golden Earring,’ and a small paragraph from this piece described him as essentially the glue that held the band together–especially the current lineup of himself, bassist/keyboard player Rinus Gerritsen, vocalist/guitarist/flautist Barry Hay, and drummer Cesar Zuiderwijk–who’ve been together in that particular setup since the early 1970s.

For me–since I can (unfortunately) measure the last time I listened to Golden Earring in years (unless you count last night, when I watched videoclips of a couple of their songs online)–George Kooymans’ death is yet another example, and more proof, that you don’t know what you’ve got until it’s gone.

Despite that, I just want to be one more voice in the world that thanks George Kooymans and Golden Earring for the awesome music and recorded performances, and leaving such a mark on the world.

Rust In Vrede (Rest In Peace), George Kooymans (1948-2025)

Another Chance to Make Good

Another year, another chance for me to make good on everything and to realize my heretofore unrealized potential–even as I indulge in bad habits at the same time as I try to start good ones. I feel I’m already off to a good start: I’ve started revising a novel I’m currently working on, and did some house cleaning. I was going to post a video to my vlog, but realized just as I was about to do so that the batteries in my camera were running low, and I don’t have any more. The best-laid plans…

I’m also undertaking a cookbook challenge this year, but, because I didn’t research any of the recipes I want to work on, it will be like diving head-first into a body of water for me, in terms of buying ingredients as well as finding recipes and cooking. But I won’t make excuses for not following through on this, but rather, I’ll find a way to make it work under the circumstances.

So far, I’m doing better than last year in terms of having prepared for this year–not much, but I still feel good about what I’ve done. One thing I realize I need to work on is not beating myself up whenever I mess anything up.

Granted, I don’t have everything I need right now to accomplish everything I want to accomplish, but the year has just started, so I’m not too worried. Everything will fall into place as the year progresses–I’ll make damn sure of that.

Here’s to the start of a new year, and another chance to make good.

New Year, New Book, New Page

I realize it’s been just under a year since my last post; I could make a bunch of excuses for my dormancy, but the truth is I’ve just been lazy. This year, I plan on curing my laziness–I have a lot of plans for what I want to do this year, and I’m making what I hope are proper plans for how I hope to achieve what I want to.

I’ve always known that aspects of my life needed to change, but, over the last year or so, I’ve come to realize what I have to do to change them. I also need to find ways to keep myself motivated to stay the course. I’ve declared a moratorium on impulsivity, and I intend to make out a roadmap for my life, so I can take it where I want it to go. In other words, for the next little while, I’m developing tunnel vision.

I’m slowly but surely trying to shed old habits and develop new ones; some of the new habits will be a long time coming, but I’ll get there.

A New Year of Uncertainty and Hope

A new year has begun, and a cloud of uncertainty mixed with hope is hanging over it.

For the last year or so, the world has been in the grip of a pandemic, with responses thereto varying from one political leader–and one person–to the next. In the midst of COVID-19, people of Asian descent and black people have faced violence, the latter of which brought Black Lives Matter back into the news for a time. As well, reports of celebrity misbehaviour related to the pandemic have leaked into the headlines (see Bryan Adams and, most recently, Tom Cruise). COVID-19 has presented the world with an opportunity–mainly for businesses to stop trashing the planet to make a buck–but it’s up to everyone at all levels of society, including political leaders, to take advantage of this particular opportunity.

On a personal note–without going into details–I’ve made a mess of my life within the last year and a half or so, but the arrival of 2021 has presented me with an opportunity to make things right, and to maybe get even the tiniest bit ahead. I know there are circumstances beyond my control, but I’m determined to make things happen this year.

I don’t know what 2021 will bring, but I’m cautiously optimistic about…everything.

Mary Ann Shadd Cary: Another Buried Story Unearthed

October 9, 2020 is the first time I’ve heard the name ‘Mary Ann Shadd Cary’–and I only came across it because of a Google doodle in honour of her 197th birthday.

Such is the quality of the education I received during my years of compulsory education here in Canada.

Mary Ann Shadd Cary was an anti-slavery activist; the first black female publisher in North America; the first female publisher in Canada; the first black woman to vote in a U.S. election; and the second black woman in the U.S. to earn a law degree (at 60 years of age) in the United States; her former Washington, D.C. residence was declared a National Historical Landmark in 1976; the National Women’s History Project (now the National Women’s History Alliance) designated her a Women’s History Month honouree in 1987; and she was inducted into the National Women’s Hall of Fame in 1998. In Canada, she was designated a Person of Historical Significance, with a plaque in Chatham, Ontario dedicated to her; she features in Canada’s citizenship test guide, which was released in 2009 (page 16); Library and Archives Canada has a Mary Ann Shadd Cary collection, archival reference number R4182 (formerly MG24-K22); Heritage Toronto has marked the place where she published her newspaper, The Provincial Freeman, with a plaque.

Mary Ann Shadd Cary is an important figure in American and Canadian history, but I never learned about her in school, even in the American history class I took in high school. Shadd Cary is yet another example of how the accomplishments and achievements of people who are not white cis heterosexual men (preferably of means) are erased from history’s pages–or at least have been until recently. Now that she features in Canada’s citizenship test guide, I hope schools here in Canada are teaching students about her–or at least allowing students ways of learning about her.

It’s true that history is so often written from the point of view of the victors and those in power, but it’s high time we acknowledge the past in its entirety and the achievements of everyone who lived and did important things, not just a few who fit a certain mold.

Janus, Part Two

Happy New Year.

I’m starting 2020 with mixed emotions, mostly because I’m carrying thoughts and emotions about last year over into today. One lesson I’m trying to teach myself is to let things go, while learning from my past decisions and experiences.

I have plans, and high hopes, for myself this year, while trying to be realistic about everything. I’m thinking, right now, I’ll have to create a schedule for everything I want to accomplish this year–but I’ll see what happens.

So, here I am, at the beginning of 2020, with quite a few plans and high hopes for the year, while trying to keep a level head.

P.S.: I meant to post this on New Year’s Day, and I thought I did, but I double-checked, and clearly I didn’t. Oops.

Political Correctness and Freedom of Speech: Looking for a Balance

Reading recently about a so-called ‘appropriation prize’–and two different takes on it, by Vicky Mochama and Dr. Jordan Peterson–prompted me to finally gather and clarify my thoughts on the issue of political correctness and freedom of speech, and write about it. Though I agree with one or two points Dr. Peterson made (mostly about criticism and censorship), I agree mostly with Mochama. (I will say right now that the ‘appropriation prize’ was a dick move.)

I’ve noticed the majority of people who are quick to cry ‘free speech’ do so when people dare to call them out on their ignorance and/or inappropriate behaviour–in short, for such people, ‘free speech’ means ‘don’t call me out for being a dick.’ I’ve also noticed a portion of this group attempt to stomp on their critics’ freedom of speech, by way of dogpiling, doxing, swatting, and other forms of online harassment, and by using terms like ‘social justice warrior/SJW,’ ‘cuck,’ ‘mangina,’ ‘white knight,’ and/or ‘special snowflake,’ which attempt to discredit and silence the targets of these terms and stop important conversations, while actually revealing the immaturity of the people using these terms. The fact is, freedom of speech works all ways, and applies to everyone.

That said, there’s being considerate of other people, and there’s tiptoeing around other people.

One major down side of political correctness is those who subscribe to it can–and a lot do–let their emotions get the better of them. And that has consequences, a lot of them negative; chief among those consequences is all reason goes out the window. For instance, it shouldn’t be considered politically incorrect to make statements of fact, and we should be able to disagree amicably on everything from finer details to the bigger picture. It’s important to be able to distinguish between statements of fact, differences of opinion, and jerkassery, and respond accordingly.

In order to have fruitful discussions, we have to ditch the black-and-white thinking and learn to recognize nuance. And this is also where listening skills come in handy; our discussions will be more fruitful if we know where everyone is coming from. The most important thing is to keep in mind that everything is up for discussion.

I’ll conclude by acknowledging that it is, by no means, easy to find a balance between political correctness and freedom of speech, but it is a necessary exercise.