I don’t know how to begin this post, but I have no doubt the majority of people reading it will, to one degree or another, relate to it.

Since I got laid off last November, I’ve been navigating the job market, both solo and with the help of a government job-search agency; despite my best efforts and having an employment counsellor, it’s almost the end of the year and I still haven’t managed to find work; the situation is so bad I had to ask my mother for money so I could cover my rent for next month. I got lucky there; I don’t know how lucky I’ll be next month if I don’t find any paying employment by the end thereof. In any case, the experience of having to ask anyone for money is humiliating–my self-respect is six feet under right now.

I was on Employment Insurance, but that ended in July; the message I received from that agency had a tone of finality to it, making me feel like I couldn’t renew my claim. So, since the end of July, I’ve had to make two withdrawals from my Registered Retirement Saving Plan (RRSP) just to, you know, keep living. I can count on both of my hands the number of job interviews I’ve had, and those interviewers/employers who didn’t ghost me told me they had decided to go with another candidate. It’s difficult not to get discouraged under those circumstances. In fact, while I was out today to get some food, I felt suicidal, and I almost cried; the only thing(s) stopping me from taking my own life are my plans for next year–which involve livestreaming myself writing yet another draft of my current novel (mostly to prove that I’m the one writing it, and not using artificial intelligence–thus revealing my game plan), drawing more often than I do, resuming crocheting and knitting, getting back to cooking and baking…and landing a survival job, even if it’s part-time. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg.

But yeah, as dictated by capitalism, I spent the last couple of weeks feeling like complete crap–even though the world’s wealthiest people (among the most prevalent examples I can think of right now: Galen Weston, Elon Musk, Peter Thiel, and every big-name tech bro) are sitting on billions of dollars and not giving a damn about those of us on the bottom of the socioeconomic ladder struggling just to survive, thus they should be the ones feeling like complete crap.

Meanwhile, I have to figure out my financial situation going forward, especially if I don’t get paid employment.

That said, I will try to have myself a Merry little Christmas–and for those of you in the same, or a similar, boat, you do the same…but, if you feel you can’t, I, for one, will understand.

Verdict: 2025–Worst year ever.